I Turned Off My Paywall.

Turning down free money? Well, it is my midlife crisis.

We be chillin. Thanks Substack AI.

Hi Gang.

Today, I turned off my paywall for MMC.

Why? Maybe I am having a midlife crisis.

Or maybe I just wanted to relieve myself of some of the pressure I put myself under and start writing for the joy of it again.

My other newsletter has a paywall, which is about my work as a dog behaviourist and contains access to me in that role. Behaviourists are not cheap, even if the subscription is and it cost me a fuck-ton of time and money to get qualified and accredited, so I’ll keep that paywall running.

But here… I just want to write. For me.

It is therapy.

A chance to make sense of my week and my life.

And if someone wants to read it, that is wonderful and much appreciated. However, is it worth a paywall? In honesty, probably not. So, I refunded my subscribers and switched the paid plan off completely.

I feel better already.

It’s all about me, me, me.

This is part of a larger-scale mission where I am slowly getting some self-care in and looking after myself. For a long time, I have pushed myself to achieve more and more, to do more and more, and at the expense of my health.

I’ve quit 121s in my dog behaviour business, as I have an operation coming up, and I’m surprised at how I’ve realised how emotionally taxing that had become. I’m an empath. I feel what other people or dogs feel. Sometimes that is a gift, but at other times it is hard as shit. I’ve often cried for the dogs and other animals of the world who are struggling. As nobody calls on a behaviourist because they are having a great time, you can guess how this can affect a person’s mental health.

Coupled with the never-ending cycle of trying to find clients in today’s financial climate, plus the toxicity that permeates the dog world now in the rearview mirror, I find it very freeing to set one foot outside of the circle.

While it may be blowing my own trumpet, I’m good at my job. Bloody good. But being forced to slow down and stop for various reasons led me to seek alternative ways to earn money, and having stumbled on TEFL and getting qualified, and becoming fully booked, I’m wondering if this is the better path for me (while still keeping up with the online dog writing and behaviour support, The Dog Welfare Alliance, plus pet sitting, etc.)

It is certainly a lot less stressful, and I’m enjoying it.

I’m 45 years old. Do I really want to spend the second half of my life in a constant state of worry when I can take an easier route financially, emotionally and physically and still find time to help dogs?

A self-employed woman

Being self-employed, especially as a woman, brings with it a whole lot of joy but also a special brew of both professional and financial pressure. Even in this day and age, men get paid more than women and are often taken more seriously despite us having the same knowledge and capability.

It’s even harder when your salary is not guaranteed, as your employed counterpart’s wages are.

Add the responsibility involved in single parenthood.

Plus my not very good friend, Adenomyosis.

Both my mental health and bodily health have been under fire over the past few years.

Losing my Dad first to Parkinson’s and Dementia, then to him actually dying when he was only 70, has left me thinking, “I don’t want to spend my whole life stressing out about things I don’t need to. I don’t want to waste time when tomorrow is not guaranteed.”

So I’m not going to.

And that is why I removed the paywall from this newsletter.