Why Is A Midlife Crisis Good For Your Soul?

The art of getting to your mid forties and finally sorting your shit out.

Photo by Jari Hytönen on Unsplash

This time a couple of years ago, I was ticking along quite nicely.

• Nothing exciting ever happened.

• My self employed job was fairly consistent and my earnings were boosted by benefits when they were not.

• I looked after my adult kids (who have special needs) and dogs.

• I helped look after my Nan.

• Even COVID and the lockdowns were uneventful.

Life was safe. Which is important after going through domestic violence and struggling with PTSD.

Life was also very boring. And with such a small circle around me, it was lonely.

I knew I was doing ok, but I was not content. Not really. Life felt “on pause” and I was waiting for something, anything, to happen.

Then “that day” happened. I lost my Nan, and my dog, on the same day, an hour apart, and the bottom fell out of my world. I was spinning with so much grief, for two of the closest beings in my life. I was suffocating, drowning, and unable to breathe.

Six months later, a hand reached out to me in the darkness. To be exact, they met me on a dog walk, and brought me back to life. I believe to this day, my Nan and my Moo sent me Peter.

Life has changed completely since then.

It's pretty tough, starting a new venture, at any point in life. Especially when it's a whole career change. Or a new partner, who is then moving into your home.

Or doing both.

Which is what I have been doing for the past two years.

But keeping everything the same is much harder.

Things that sit still for long enough start to stagnate, including your life. At middle age, you become ever conscious that the clock is ticking. Our parents are getting old and it reminds us of our mortality. If we had kids, they are now grown up and it reminds us we are no longer the younger generations.

People start dropping like flies.

There is not always going to be forty or fifty years ahead of you to achieve your dreams. Things get more urgent and we get restless. Making changes, big or small, can often be the key to kickstarting future happiness.

Some people call it a Midlife Crisis, but in truth, we are just working out that we need to do something to make changes now, before it is too late.

How to know where to make changes

When you look at any aspect of your life, you must decide what brings you joy. What does not? What is worth spending precious time on? Time you will never get back.

For example:

• Do the people you spend time with leave you feeling energised? Or drained?

• Does your job work for you? Or do you work for your job? We can earn money and be successful in many careers, from cleaning sewers to teaching astrophysics. All jobs are important, and contribute to society, making the world go round. But unless you actually do what makes you happy, that which is your calling, is it really worth it?

• Perhaps it is about environment. Does your environment make you feel happy? Or do you long for it to be less cluttered? Quieter? Noisier? Calmer? Busier? Nearer to town or right out in the countryside? By the sea? Up a mountain or in the middle of a city?

The clock is ticking

Time is the one thing we can not create more of. We can meet more people. We can go more places. We can earn more. We can certainly spend more. But we can't make our lives any longer than the days we are blessed with.

Time is our most precious commodity.

Being successful at something is all well and good, but if it is not bringing you joy, then is that success worth spending your precious time on?

If you are spending time in a place, or with people or on a job that makes you feel ill at ease, then that is time wasted.

So we need to have a good think. What do we want from life? If we spent our time wisely, how would we be doing that? Who would we spend that time with, where and why?

If we can answer those questions, we can see which areas of our lives need to change.

But … money?

Yep. I know. We'd all love to go and live somewhere hot and sunny, be surrounded by dogs in a bloody great house by the sea, and be waited on hand and foot by dudes that look like Uhtred from The Last Kingdom.

But money often dictates we are not going to do that. Despite what a thousand gurus say on here, and other platforms, making a living can be tricky for the vast majority of people. Especially those who are self employed, or in low income brackets, or are disadvantaged in some way. Believe me, I know.

But we can still create changes in our lives that will change them for the better. We do not have to sell up and move to Spain to enjoy our back gardens or our balconies. Why not do up those instead? A few half dead plants from the front of poundworld can soon be nutured back to life and create something lovely. We'd still get a nice bit of outdoors weather in the summer …

We can declutter all our crap to make our house feel bigger and brighter. It costs nothing to chuck your old rubbish that you have hung onto for years “incase” you ever use it, but never do. Charity shop it, Facebook marketplace it, or be a complete rebel and just bin it instead. You will feel loads better.

Meet new people - but different new people. Spending your life chatting to Alf the local alcoholic down the pub will not change your life for the better. Get hobbies that involve going out, learning stuff, doing stuff and meet people that way. Volunteer or join local groups. You will better yourself and your social circle.

Or maybe you always wanted to learn about an art, or a hobby. You have the internet at your fingertips. Stop looking at funny cats in memes and start looking at things that teach you something that you can do away from gawping at social media.

Stop buying crap you do not need, like the expensive washing up liquid or six packets of biscuits when five will do. Use the change to put in one of those savings tins that you need a can opener to get into. When its full, go buy something nice, or that makes your life better in some way, simply because it makes you happy. Totally guilt free, because you saved up for it and you deserve nice things.

Big changes

What if you are not happy with something big in your life?

If you want to take on a new career, well now is probably your best chance. You are still young enough that your new job of choice will be yours for another 20 years or more. That's time to do something awesome.

Your brain is still functioning enough to learn a new skill. You don't have to go all in without first doing a few courses to learn what your new vocation entails.

A partner? If you are single, hey you are never going to be any younger and better looking than you are right now. If you want to go “on the pull” before the only pulling you do is lifting your incontinence pants up in the mornings, then better hop to it.

Just don't go after anyone toxic, and be sure to stay safe in every sense of the word.

There is nothing sadder than seeing Big Janice on her way to the clap clinic, after she had 15 pints of Guinness and a drunken blackout session with Alf at the weekend, and now feels a bit itchy down below.

Always tell someone responsible where you are going, and when you will be back when dating someone new. It's a shame women have to think this way, but safety is paramount.

A divorce …. Whoa that's a biggie. But if you are not happy in a marriage, you have three options.

1. Stay miserable.

2. Marriage guidance.

3. Quit while you still have some time ahead of you.

Nobody ever gets married, looking forward to the divorce. We all want it to last forever. But sometimes, when the kids have grown up or when time just passes, people change and two people that loved each other decades ago, may now be as compatible as oil and water.

Is that really the way EITHER party should spend the next 20 or 30 (or more) years?

It might be worth working at, and by all means try, but sometimes it just isn't. It's not always any body's fault, it just happens.

Don't let any body guilt trip you into anything. This is YOUR life, not theirs.

And sometimes your partner turns out to not be such a good person, and you need to get out of that situation and rebuild your life.

Midlife Crisis - just heckin do it

What changes, big or small, will make you feel less like you are wasting time, and more like you are freeing your soul up for new adventures?

What that currently keeps you small, could you kick to the kerb so you can grow?

Now is your time. Being of this age means we have more freedom than during our childbearing, child raising days, and we are still young enough to have fun, see the world and learn new things.

We only get one shot it all in this lifetime. Don't f*ck it up by sitting around waiting for something to happen. Go out, grab life by the balls and make the changes you want to to see.

Today's Sub Stats

Views have dropped slightly, but then I have not published every single day, so I'm not surprised.

Still very much on track to have 50 Subscribers before 2025, which would make me super happy!